I have never
by alfalfajane
Summary: After a drinking game in a tropical themed pub, Hermione discovers she's never done anything... sure she's won wars and medals but where was the loving and why is she still a virgin in her last year of University? This is a one-shot!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. (if I did I would buy a water park and turn It into my house!)**

She looked down at her full glass and felt embarrassed; the girls around her had emptied their Jumbo long island ice tea glasses while she hadn't even taken a sip. Ginny sighed audibly, she was quite drunk but more notably she was dumbfounded by the attractive young woman sitting across from her. She picked up the massive novelty glass which was quite possibly the length of her torso and eyed the dreg which was mainly melted ice with scrutiny.

"Ok, one last go… if this doesn't work then I don't know what will… I have never been topless in front of a man!" She tipped the glass up towards her mouth, her right arm completely outstretched as she used it on the base of the giant receptacle for leverage. When she saw Hermione stare ruefully at the massive glass before her, not touching it she actually spat in shock.

"Oh for god's sake Hermione, how is this possible? Not only are you still a virgin but the closest thing you've had to a dangerous liaison was an over the shirt grope with my gangling idiot of a sibling!" She slammed the glass down angrily; Pansy shot her a look that said "you're upsetting the prude" for Pansy to shoot a look like that meant Ginny was quite possibly being a bigger bitch than Pansy. Hermione didn't speak she just continued to stare at the massive glass before her.

A girl called Amelia who she didn't know very well and found rather annoying patted her on the elbow and said in her high, insincere nasal voice "Don't worry Hermione, some people are just late bloomers!" Hermione continued to stare at the glass wondering if it was her icy gaze which kept the cubes in the glass from melting. At that moment the door flew open and Harry, Ron, George and a dishevelled looking Draco walked into the tropical themed bar. Wham's "Club Tropicana" started playing for the tenth time, Ginny stood on the foot rest of her stool making her seem very tall and shouted to the bar staff who were dressed in lurid Hawaiian shirts and wearing flower garlands;

"We get it, the bars called Club Tropicana; you don't have to keep playing that stupid fucking song." She slumped back into the tall bamboo stool, Hermione had expected the bar staff to chuck her out or at least look outraged at the young woman, instead they all nodded in agreement. One young man in Bermuda shorts, who looked slightly manic ran towards the Jukebox and kicked it with great force. The music stopped and silence filled the overtly tacky bar.

The bar staff who outnumbered the clientele 2:1 began cheering enthusiastically, they were all very young and had seemed overly joyous when the group of giggling girls had entered the bar.

The table of Girls joined in with the cheering and the boys who had just entered and didn't know what was going on began whooping just so they didn't feel left out. Draco and Hermione where the only two who remained silent, Draco had been grateful of the olive branch Harry had sent out to him in his first year of university but he could never have imagined that by the start of his final year he'd be hanging around regularly with this lot. He was one of them… and they were quite frankly mental. The whole lot of them seemed to have some sort of wiring problem in their overly imaginative brains.

Hermione didn't have clue what was going on, she was still staring at her long island Ice tea and wondering what on earth her parents had done in her upbringing to make her such a prude.

"I'm not even a Catholic!" She said to no one in particular. Everyone heard it though and went silent; wondering what could be going through the girl's brain to make her say something so utterly bizarre. She didn't look up at the silently staring group (Which included most of the bar staff, who had been listening to the girls conversation for a large part of the night) She leaned towards the table and rested her head in her hands; she bit onto the straw from the large glass and began to drink. She only stopped to breathe; she didn't take notice of the many people round about her who were staring at her in bewilderment. Draco had wandered away from the crowd of his "friends" and was standing at the bar, wondering how in an empty pub filled with staff he still could not get served.

Harry leaned over Ginny's shoulder and pecked her cheek lightly; "What's wrong with Hermione?" He asked in a drunken stage whisper.

"She needs to get laid" Pansy answered for Ginny in a straight forward and rather bored voice before lighting up a cigarette and puffing on it regally.

"We need more drink!" Ginny shouted pounding her fist on the table.

The man who had kicked the jukebox ran over to the crowd with a large grin on his face, he addressed Ginny who appeared to be the alpha of the group.

"Madame, we would like to offer you the use of the VIP bongo hut free of charge." He said stretching his arm over to what looked like a rope ladder.

"Why?" She asked drunk and suspicious.

"Because you're the first customers we've had in about a month and well… We're all going to quit after tonight so we all kind of thought it would be fun to run you lovely people up a very large VIP bill and then forget to charge you for it!" He grinned sheepishly at Ginny who was still giving him her, one eyebrow raised, distrustful look.

"Ginny dear, when I kind man in shorts offers you free use of his Bongo hut you don't question it." Pansy smiled and made her way over to the rope ladder. Much to everyone's amazement she managed to ascend gracefully with fag and handbag in hand.

"Ooh they've got Cristal up here!" they heard a controlled voice drawl from the rickety hut high above.

"You don't need to use the ladder; it's just there for show. We don't mind if you apparate up there." The young man said still staring at the top of the ladder where he was sure he caught a glimpse under Pansy's skirt and was sure he saw that she lacked underwear.

"Why are you all quitting?" Ron asked conversationally.

"Honestly, Wizards just don't go for the whole muggle themed bar thing, let alone a muggle/tropical themed bar. The owner's got more galleons than sense and just won't shut the place down, every day we stand around waiting for 5am to roll in so we can close up shop and every day we listen to that stupid song at least 20 times. It's making us all mad." He smiled at the group and again indicated towards the hut that seemed to be swinging from an overly large palm tree.

"It's bigger than it looks!" The bar tender said smiling.

"I bet you say that to all the girls." Pansy drawled her head sticking out from the small trapdoor on the floor of the swaying bongo hut a cigarette pursed between her lips.

In a flurry of pops Hermione found herself alone at the Tiki table, the large glass in front of her was empty now. She leaned towards the table aiming her head at the grass matted top but stopped suddenly when a sharp pain erupted in her eye. Rubbing the sore orb she sat up again and realised she had been partially blinded by a cocktail umbrella.

"Great…" She whined moving the glass forcefully away from her and half slamming her head onto the table.

Draco was standing at the bar, the man behind it looked like a united colours of Benetton model, his particularly square jaw was irritating Draco.

"Sorry, what was it you ordered?" square jaw asked for the second time.

"A fire whiskey with a dash of coke." Draco had to stop himself from screaming.

"You know there are loads of drinks in the bongo hut." The man said as if he was rushed off his feet and Draco was taking up a lot of his precious time.

"I'm sorry but the idea of getting drunk in a swinging shack just doesn't appeal to me." He said, his stony eyes focusing on a point just beyond the man's head.

"It's got a karaoke machine!" the bar tender said as if this was clearly a bonus that no man should miss out on.

"Oh well you've got me there then, that sounds just peachy! Could you just give me my drink please?" The young bar tender shrugged his shoulders and handed Draco over his drink; before Draco could walk away he shoved a large coconut shell glass in his free hand.

"What the fuck is this?" Draco asked looking at the hairy receptacle.

"It's for the virgin girl, slipped a little something something in it to loosen her up!" Big jaw smiled at Draco. Draco looked back at him with a twisted look on his face.

"Any man who has to drug a woman to fuck her, is a failure as a man… you're a cunt and your lucky I'm not smashing your face in with this hairy coconut… do you understand bitch?" Draco's voice was so calm that it made the man behind the bar tremble, he nodded nervously.

"Do you know what bitch? I think you should just call it quits now, the jukebox kicker said you were all quitting after tonight… I think you should quit right now… leave!" Draco smiled as he watched big jaw grab a sweater and run from behind the bar straight into the street without looking back. He looked over to where the said virgin was currently just a pile of curls on a grass matted table. He heard screaming laughter coming from the bongo hut above and a slightly skewed version of girls just want to have fun sung by Ron and George. He shook his head, he hated karaoke.

Hermione wondered if pushing her head as close as possible to the table would allow her to vanish into it. The Bermuda shorted jukebox kicker jumped from the base of the bongo hut and ran to the door and locked it.

"We're shutting up just now! You're friend Pansy convinced me… we're just going to have a party! Help yourself to the bar!" He spun and disappeared.

Draco shook his head, trust Pansy to convince someone to close an establishment for her convenience, not that it was likely that anyone else would come in. He looked around the bar, all the staff had disappeared. The Bongo hut was swinging quite violently now, it appeared that the staff had decided to join in with the VIP party… apparently only the P in VIP applied to the bongo hut now.

"not heading to the hut then Granger?" Draco drawled as he joined her at the high table.

Hermione sat up straight her hair covering her face; she swept it away impatiently revealing the red imprint of the grass matting on her forehead.

"Were you trying to push yourself into the table?" Draco asked jokingly.

"It didn't work." Hermione mumbled as she stood and walked towards the bar, much to Draco's astonishment she lifted one leg high onto the bar (in a skirt) and pushed herself onto the bamboo monstrosity so she was standing on it.

"You want anything Malfoy?" She asked as she leapt from the bar top behind the bar into a sanctuary of alcohol storage usually reserved for staff members only.

"Chuck us a bottle of fire whiskey and some coke." He said watching her as she stretched to reach the line of expensive whiskey's lined up on the many glass shelves.

"Don't fancy something a little more expensive?" She asked eyeing a gold lined bottle marked "Golden Dragon XO". She didn't wait for a response, instead she grabbed three bottles of what she thought looked fancy, she had been told once that the more expensive the booze the less deadly the hangover. She placed the bottles on the bar top and pushed herself backwards onto the bar so that she was sitting on it, she swung her legs round so that she was facing Draco again.

He smiled whimsically at the woman, when Harry told him that Granger was a virgin he had not believed it. She was fit and everyone but her knew it, he was enjoying the little show she was putting on at the moment. Granger was one of those girls who so rarely wore short skirts and low cut tops that when they did they didn't know how to protect their modesty in them. She slid of the bar making her skirt ride up and making Draco shake his head in happy disbelief.

Harry and Ron had said she was a prude, Pansy was convinced that Hermione was a closet lesbian and Ginny was just plain angry that Hermione had not discovered the joy of sex. Draco was of a different mind however, he thought Hermione was just a bit old fashioned and had high standards. He thought she just didn't want to sleep around like her female friends, not that he thought there was anything wrong with that. It just wasn't Hermione, not that he spent that much time thinking about the inner workings of the Granger girl. It was just that the rest of them were so bloody candid and frank, you were never in any doubt about what any of them were thinking. They always told you before you could even ponder on the matter; Hermione was the only one who was a bit of an enigma. She always seemed to be thinking, during parties she'd be staring off into the distance thinking about god knows what, when they went out to dinner she'd make small talk then stare at the strangers round about them as if she were making up little back stories for them all.

She was looking at him quizzically with her head tilted to the side;

"Why are you looking at me like that Malfoy?" She asked a hint of self consciousness in her voice. He really didn't want to tell her, she would be so embarrassed… but he couldn't let her walk about with her skirt ridding so high up he could see the white knickers she was wearing… or could he… no.

"Your skirt Granger, it's riding a little high." He said coolly before looking down at his drink. He heard her swear under her breath and tug at the offending item of clothing.

"Sorry about that." She mumbled as she slammed the bottles of alcohol onto the table.

"You don't need to apologise Granger, I just wanted to save you some embarrassment." He said attempting to smile reassuringly at her but only managing a kind of manic smirk. When she gave him a slightly scared look before sitting down he tried to change the subject some what, "You seem in a particularly foul mood tonight Granger, mind if I enquire as to why?"

"We were playing 'I have never' I lost" Was her only response as she picked up what looked like a hairy coconut and raised it to her lips. He didn't notice.

"What's that when it's at home?" He asked still staring at his glass.

"It's a stupid game, everyone has a drink in front of them, everybody takes turns and says something like "I have never been topless in front of a man" if you have then you take a drink." She sighed and drank deeply from the coconut she'd found on the bar.

"And how exactly did you lose?" He asked looking at her properly for the first time since the manic smiling incident.

"I didn't need to take a drink." She answered bluntly before tipping the coconut up and downing the last few sips. She swayed slightly on her stool.

"Malfoy… I don't feel right." Was all she managed before she dropped to the ground.

"Oh dear, it seems the prudes had a little too much to drink." a bored regal drawl came from behind Draco. He turned to see Pansy, with the Bermuda boy at her heels.

"Her drink was tampered with." Draco responded eyeing her new boy toy pitifully.

"No one ever does that to me any more… I miss it." She remarked rather bored.

"That's because you're a freak Pansy." Draco responded, he aimed the comment more at the Bermuda boy who now looked slightly worried.

"We're heading back to mine to fuck, see you later." Her voice didn't change, she wasn't aiming to shock. She was just very blunt and didn't really care what others thought of her, Draco was sure that's why she got on so well with Ginny and the rest of the Motley crew. Pansy grabbed the terrified looking waiter by the flower garland and span quickly, there was a pop and they were both gone. Draco smirked when he saw that in the process of Apparating Pansy had some how managed to strip the young bar man, the only hint of his prior existence in the bar was a pair of crumpled Bermuda shorts lying in a heap where he had previously stood.

Draco looked down at Hermione who seemed to be coming back to her senses again, she looked a lot paler and seemed to shiver slightly. He wondered angrily what the big jawed tit had put in Granger's drink.

"What happened?" Hermione moaned trying to push her face away from the floor.

"There was something in your drink, I don't know what… I'm going to take you back to my flat and try to find out what the bastard put in your drink… do you understand Granger?" He spoke in a loud and clear voice.

"Mmm" she nodded her understanding.

"Ok… up we get." He pulled her from the floor; she draped her arms around his neck for balance.

"Potter." He shouted loudly.

Harry stuck his head through the rope ladder trap door, he was looking a little worse for wear himself.

"What?" Harry called back trying not to fall through the gap.

"Granger is ill, I'm taking her to mine to try and find something for her to take. One of the bar staff spike her drink…"

"Who the fuck spiked Hermione's Drink?" Harry shouted angrily.

"He's gone Potter, I sorted him. Look I don't know what he put in it, I need to find out she really does look quite bad… and you are clearly all too pissed to help her." He added as if justifying his need to help the girl.

"Once I've fixed her what do I do with her?" Draco asked as if talking about a broken car.

"I don't know, what ever she wants to do… can't she just sleep at yours?" Harry answered the bizarre question with his nose wrinkled.

"Can't you or Ginny just come pick her up?" He asked slightly nervous.

"Do you not think she's good enough to sleep in your flat Malfoy?" Ginny asked her head now peeping through the trap door beside Harry's.

"No… I just don't want Granger to be uncomfortable." He replied trying to prop her up as she slumped slightly.

"Are we friends?" Harry asked cryptically.

"Yes." Draco asked, his nose now wrinkled in confusion.

"Well then she's your friend too, look after her!" Harry chimed before slamming the trap door and leaving the two alone again.

"Shouldn't we go and help?" Ginny asked looking at Harry suspiciously.

"Nah… I think we should just let this play out." He replied with an eye brow raised.

"What does that mean?" Ginny asked punching him in the arm.

"It means, it's your turn to sing Ginny so off you trot." Ginny gave him a look that said 'I know your up to something, and I'm going to find out what when you're at your most vulnerable.' Before turning away from him and making her way to the mike where she blasted a rather charming rendition of "Take a walk on the wild side" Harry glanced out of the Bongo hut Window at Draco who was trying to support Hermione while trying to apparate, he grinned devilishly at the two.

Draco dropped her dead weight onto his leather sofa and grabbed his wand, before he could touch her though her eye's had flown open. She was staring at him… he couldn't really say how… he knew he'd seen this look before but not from Hermione and he really didn't think she was capable… it was lust.

"How did I get here?" She asked quite clearly.

"You passed out… I brought you here to… fix you." He stated rather nervously, this look from Hermione was scaring him and he was not easily scared.

"I'm fine now, in fact I feel great." She sat up and stretched her neck and with a swiftness that shocked the man before her she ripped her top off. She stood and began walking towards him, he was walking backwards and found himself flush against a stone wall.

"Hello Draco." She said as she pushed her body against his.

"Em… Hi." Was all he could say, she was nuzzling into his neck and he was finding it hard to concentrate.

"Where's the bedroom?" She asked while tugging at his belt buckle.

"Granger… right now stop that… you need to stop what you're doing with your hands and listen to me." Draco said through gritted teeth.

"Why Draco?" She asked plainly.

"Because… you're not you." She pushed herself harder against him and kissed him hard, he tried not to respond but found his lips difficult to control.

"I know you want to Draco." She whispered in his ear as she finally managed to unbuckle the belt. He twisted and grabbed her wrists so that she was now flush against the wall and he was pressing against her, he held her hands high above her head and tried to think of England.

"Granger, you've been drugged. This is not you… you need to let me help you. I don't want this." He said forcefully trying to make her understand.

"Something's telling me otherwise Draco." She grinned and aimed her eyes at his groin. He groaned and continued to recite the many battles and their dates throughout the wizarding world's history in his head.

"Stop saying my name Granger." He spat.

"Why Draco?" She teased biting her bottom lip.

"Because you… Granger doesn't call me that, you call me Malfoy and when you're annoyed you call me ferret face." He reasoned sounding like a lost child.

"Just do me Draco… You've always wanted to and now you've got it on a plate. I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice, you want to fuck me!" Her word choice made him grimace, she was behaving like a… like a Pansy.

"You don't want me to; you just think you do because you've been drugged." He reasoned again though realised that reasoning would not work. He placed both her wrists in one of his big hands above her head and put his free hand behind his back.

"I do… I was just too scared, but I do want you. I think in a way I always have." She seemed to be sincere, she was speaking more soft now and was looking at him through thick lashes, she leaned forward slightly and pressed her lips lightly against his. He couldn't stop himself he kissed her back hard and while she was distracted he took the free moment to grab his wand from his back pocket, he pulled away, looked at her directly in the eye and said "I hope some day you'll say that to me and mean it." Before casting a gentle incapacitation spell on her. She flopped unconscious into his arms and he let out an audible sigh of relief.

TBC

**A/N**

**Don't be a Moo read and review, so I can write better for you! (That's the R&R rap right there.)**

**I was inspired a little by a certain TV show couple, and Draco's last line is a direct quote from the show…. Can you tell me the Show, the couple and the name of the episode? If you can't don't worry, I just thought I'd add an extra level of geek to myself.**


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